Monday, January 24, 2011

If I were a boy

One of my favorite tracks on "I am Sasha Fierce" - partially because it's a catchy tune and partially because Beyonce correctly uses the subjunctive mood ("were" instead of "was").  But seriously ladies- have you ever thought about it?  If you were a boy?  Beyonce has.  And so have I.

If I were a boy...

1.  I'd dress like Tom Wolfe.  That is one dapper, tiny man who may not have the most brilliant prose of his time (sorry Tom), but his books are fun to read, and he's always rocking white after Labor Day.

2.  I'd have a sweet tooth.  What's up with men not liking sweets?  Don't they know that's the only thing most women really want to cook (and eat for that matter)?  How is a fatty steak and a burned baked potato better than a delicious, moist, rich bite of red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting? 

3.  I'd read books.  And not just nonfiction biographies of founding fathers or professional golf memoirs.  I'm talking Hemingway and Tolstoy, boys.  Do men realize how sexy it is when they recognize an all too often Lady Brett Ashley reference?  Literature isn't rocket science, and even rocket science isn't that hard. 

4.  I'd care what I looked like naked (like Matt Lauer here obviously does- God bless him).  I don't mean this in a raunchy way - honest.  I just mean that men have it so easy - their metabolism is through the roof and they could skip one beer a day and lose 5 pounds without lifting a finger.  Come on.  Women obsess over our physical appearance with diet and exercise, yet we still have cellulite, spider veins, and Lord knows what else.  So get a gym membership and break a sweat for pete's sake.

If I were a boy, I'd definitely ask me out for cocktails.


Monday, January 17, 2011

Book Review: Chastened by Hephzibah Anderson

An interesting choice for a book review given that my most seasoned blog patron is my mother.  I believe we've officially come full circle since she was my sex-ed teacher in the 7th grade (I'm serious.  Who would make something like that up?).  This book is pretty self-explanatory:  Hephzibah takes a year off sex.  As if the thought of going without sex for extended periods of time is the ultimate deprivation for our generation (which certainly begs the question, ladies- who are these skilled creatures you've slept with who make it so hard to fathom going without?  Pray tell?). 

For a book premised upon the idea of isolating oneself from men to enable self-growth -- this book was entirely about men.  It was like being back in middle school, sitting outside on the lawn during lunch, dying to escape into a daydream about horseback riding later that afternoon while my boy-crazy girlfriend du jour obsessed about every single male on campus.  Enough already!  If I wanted to read another book about women philosophizing about society's gender roles while simultaneously fixating over every man in the room, I'd pick up another Elizabeth Gilbert novel.

Yet for her lack of female focus and stream of consciousness literature review-style prose, Anderson does write very well and has some note-worthy (even if not novel) points, mainly that sex ends the conversation that is so important between two people getting to know each other.  And hook-ups are the last place to look for real romance.  Ladies:  please tell me you knew this...


Thursday, January 13, 2011

Hey y'all!

I was candidly reminded of my delinquence by the lovely Mel in boot camp this morning (who kicked my *ss in our pushup challenge, might I add).  I have one book review on deck and a long-overdue update for you lovelies that will be up this weekend.

Good day.