If I were a boy

One of my favorite tracks on "I am Sasha Fierce" - partially because it's a catchy tune and partially because Beyonce correctly uses the subjunctive mood ("were" instead of "was").  But seriously ladies- have you ever thought about it?  If you were a boy?  Beyonce has.  And so have I.

If I were a boy...

1.  I'd dress like Tom Wolfe.  That is one dapper, tiny man who may not have the most brilliant prose of his time (sorry Tom), but his books are fun to read, and he's always rocking white after Labor Day.

2.  I'd have a sweet tooth.  What's up with men not liking sweets?  Don't they know that's the only thing most women really want to cook (and eat for that matter)?  How is a fatty steak and a burned baked potato better than a delicious, moist, rich bite of red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting? 

3.  I'd read books.  And not just nonfiction biographies of founding fathers or professional golf memoirs.  I'm talking Hemingway and Tolstoy, boys.  Do men realize how sexy it is when they recognize an all too often Lady Brett Ashley reference?  Literature isn't rocket science, and even rocket science isn't that hard. 

4.  I'd care what I looked like naked (like Matt Lauer here obviously does- God bless him).  I don't mean this in a raunchy way - honest.  I just mean that men have it so easy - their metabolism is through the roof and they could skip one beer a day and lose 5 pounds without lifting a finger.  Come on.  Women obsess over our physical appearance with diet and exercise, yet we still have cellulite, spider veins, and Lord knows what else.  So get a gym membership and break a sweat for pete's sake.











If I were a boy, I'd definitely ask me out for cocktails.

xo

Book Review: Chastened by Hephzibah Anderson

An interesting choice for a book review given that my most seasoned blog patron is my mother.  I believe we've officially come full circle since she was my sex-ed teacher in the 7th grade (I'm serious.  Who would make something like that up?).  This book is pretty self-explanatory:  Hephzibah takes a year off sex.  As if the thought of going without sex for extended periods of time is the ultimate deprivation for our generation (which certainly begs the question, ladies- who are these skilled creatures you've slept with who make it so hard to fathom going without?  Pray tell?). 

For a book premised upon the idea of isolating oneself from men to enable self-growth -- this book was entirely about men.  It was like being back in middle school, sitting outside on the lawn during lunch, dying to escape into a daydream about horseback riding later that afternoon while my boy-crazy girlfriend du jour obsessed about every single male on campus.  Enough already!  If I wanted to read another book about women philosophizing about society's gender roles while simultaneously fixating over every man in the room, I'd pick up another Elizabeth Gilbert novel.

Yet for her lack of female focus and stream of consciousness literature review-style prose, Anderson does write very well and has some note-worthy (even if not novel) points, mainly that sex ends the conversation that is so important between two people getting to know each other.  And hook-ups are the last place to look for real romance.  Ladies:  please tell me you knew this...

xo

Hey y'all!

I was candidly reminded of my delinquence by the lovely Mel in boot camp this morning (who kicked my *ss in our pushup challenge, might I add).  I have one book review on deck and a long-overdue update for you lovelies that will be up this weekend.

Good day.
xx

Move along sister.

"Even as I lived it, that first autumn in the adult world felt as vivid as memory:  bright and breezy and so warm that I strolled bare-legged into October and a future that at last seemed mine to inscribe, thrilled through and through.  If he had felt something of that, we probably would have lasted a little longer, though I don't kid myself that we wouldn't have outgrown each other sooner rather than later.  Besides, I'd fallen for another -- my heart now belonged to boundless, inconstant possibility. Had I been seduced by the fickle idea that someone more perfect might be waiting around the corner?  I had, but it wasn't only that -- I also believed a more perfect me could be waiting there, too, just beyond the turn in the road."  ~Hephzibah Anderson, Chastened

Book Review: The Monster of Florence by Douglas Preston with Mario Spezi

"The Monster of Florence" is a 2008 true crime book by American author Douglas Preston and Italian journalist Mario Spezi.  When Preston chased a dream of moving his family to Italy, he discovered that the olive grove in front of their 14th century farmhouse had been the scene of the most infamous double-murders in Italian history, committed by a serial killer known as the Monster of Florence (who coincidentally inspired the novel Hannibal by Thomas Harris).  Spezi spent much of his career tracking the Monster of Florence, and shortly after the two met, they decided to wipe the dust off the cold case.

This is the true story of their search for the real Monster, and their first-hand accounts of just how dysfunctional Italy's judicial system really is.  I mean wow.  Case in point:  while writing the book, both of the authors themselves became targets of the police investigation, their phones tapped, harshly interrogated, forcing Preston to flee back to the US.  Spezi ends up thrown into an Italian prison, accused of being the Monster himself.  Not only does there appear to be no rule of law in that country, but the masses and their leaders seem completely obsessed by "dietrologia" -- the Italian word for "the science of what is behind."  According to Preston, dietrologia is a toxic condition in Italy; Italians refuse to believe simple factual explanations and always search for something hidden behind the facts which they're convinced provides the real explanation.  This clearly infected judicial system in the Monster case, as attorneys, judges and police chiefs ignored rational explanations and patterns of the serial killings (at one point the FBI even took the liberty of sending a prototype of the killer which was ignored), and instead obsessed over fabricated satanic cults and implausible religious practices.  There were five different men arrested for these crimes, all at different times, all under different wacky theories, half of which were eventually released.  That would never happen in the US (thank heavens)!

Sound familiar?  Briefly mentioned in this book is the similar plight of Amanda Knox (a.k.a. "foxy knoxy"), an American student studying abroad in Perugia (ironically the same town where the Monster trials were held) who was convicted of murdering her roommate, despite the fact some African dude had already been found guilty and sentenced to what has ended up being less time in prison than Amanda and her boyfriend.  And to top it all off, the Italian government is now suing her for defamation as a result of her testifying she was beat up during her interrogations!

Great read, great dabble into non-fiction, and an important lesson:  be on your best behavior while vacationing in Italy for the love of everything sacred and holy!

xo

2011 Resolutions

What a fantastic Florida holiday!  4 full days of ping-ponging around the sunshine state, visiting as many friends and family as humanly possible.  I couldn't see them all, but managed to see tons of wonderful Floridians who are all very close to my heart. A great way to end 2010! 

2010 was a superlative year:  29th birthday (yikes!), loads of travel, lots of old friends and even some new, more family time than usual (which is always a treat), a sweet promotion at work, tons of half marys along with another full marathon, tons 'o books under the belt, and a few special weddings, among other things.  But there is always room for improvement and one must continue to better oneself!  Thus the new year's resolution...

I have finally made mine (and reserve the right to add more between now and the stroke of midnight on the 31st) and encourage y'all to consider how you could make 2011 even better than 2010 was.  Life is way too short to regret not making the most of it friends!  So here are mine:

1.  A tad cliche, but I'm going back on the 'ol diet (please see picture of pecan bars and shortbread, only a few of my delicious, gluttonous holiday indulgences compliments of Mumsie).  My jeans are just a little tighter than I'd like after my serious running days of 2010 have passed, and I refuse to break out the fat clothes.  My last two months of eating and lounging was great, but I need to lay off the bubbly and get serious about boot camp and winter running!  Cold outdoor exercise or BUST.

2.  Maintain my new double-sided list of (1) "things I can control and will allow to bother me" (e.g., what I eat, how much I exercise, how cluttered my condo is at any given moment, what I accomplish (or don't) on my weekends and weeknights, etc.); and (2) "things I can't control and won't allow to make me crazy" (e.g., human resources (my GOD the incompetence!) and their thwarting the timing of my promotion, crazy people at work, crazy people anywhere for that matter, and other things that shall remain nameless that I just can't control).  This has been a remarkably fruitful exercise for me and it is most certainly worth bringing along into 2011.

3.  Breathe, let go, and move on.  This is very related to #2 and my issues with control, but deserves its own number.  I need to learn from what I'm still convinced was a big mistake as of late and move on with life.  Things happen for a reason, and sometimes you don't know the reason until much later (cue in Garth Brooks's corny-*ss "Sometimes I Thank God for Unanswered Prayers").  When you miss someone or something, and you can't control where or when they fit into your life, acknowledge it, send it positive energy, and let it continue through the universe to where it belongs.  No I am not on drugs and I still think hippies are weird.

4.  I'm tempted to put something here about running a marathon in record time (as in below 4:15), but I"ll pencil that one in for now.  I run best when I don't put massive amounts of pressure on myself, and it setting a tough goal can really take the fun out of a race. So I'm just kidding about the time, unless I've trained well in this awful cold and feel good on race day, in which case I'm totally serious.

Good luck with your resolutions - we've almost got another year under our belts!  xo

The present.

"What is it?  My dear?"
"Ah, how can we bear it?"
"Bear what?"
"This.  For so short a time. How can we sleep this time away?"
"We can be quiet together, and pretend -- since it is only the beginning -- that we have all the time in the world."
"And every day we shall have less.  And then none."
"Would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?"
"No.  This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began.  And when I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run.  But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere."

~A.S. Byatt, Possession